So I "activated" my twitter account. Hahaha!! Yup, I have one. I made it last May and never got around to use it until now. Dunno what compelled me to make one. 8D Hahaha!! Guess I'll make my short comments there. XD

As all of you know, last weekend was a pain. Ondoy (Ketsana) having struck havoc in the Philippines and our house is one of the houses affected by it. ;A; Though I was stranded in Makati, I really can't relax knowing that our house where slowly being submerged in water. The flood we experienced that day was far worst when Rosing hit our country last 2000 (I think). That time the water was only knee or thigh deep inside our house but Ondoy almost reached our 2nd flr! *faints* Now, there's another typhoon coming, Pepeng (Parma). Though it's not going to hit Manila directly, this super typhoon will wreck havoc in other provinces. AGGGHH!!! Flood... flood... floood.. x.x Hopefully, it won't cause that much but I doubt it. >A<

Have you heard that the flood in some part of Laguna will remain until December?! OMG!!! Those families... and Christmas is just around the corner. TAT

It's almost a month since my dad died. I still miss him as much. Everyday seems to pass by us but I know in my heart, we all miss him. How odd it is that everything changes because of one person. I still cry from time to time whenever I think of it. And there are times when tears flow unknowingly. And there are times when as if I'm an actress and was asked to cry on queue.

There would be times that I would talk to myself pretending that I'm talking to my dad. Hoping that in some supernatural way he could hear me. I really wish he would visit me in my dreams. I want to hold him, talk to him and etc. I've been repeating myself over and over again. But really, I can't find myself not thinking of it.

Times like this I wish I have supernatural powers and send those bastards, whoever did this to my dad, to hell. If only I have Mukuro's powers and I would have already send those bastards to hell. Or how I wish that there is really a website for Jigoku Tsushin and I would ask Enma Ai for revenge. So many far-fetched wishes.

What happened to my dad has taken a toll on us especially to my mom, who as the days passed is starting to get tired from all the 'unfinished business' that my dad left. There's so many things to think of. So many things to be done. But I know in the end, after all this chaos, will be able to find justice for our dad. That's what we hope and pray.

Anyway, nothing much happened ever since my dad died. I'm almost always coup up in our house because who knows what danger lurks around. Because what happened to my dad is not a simple robbery case or an accident but a murder. How I wish that time travel is real. If only I could turn back time and re-live the moments with my dad. If I could come back again in the past, how I wish I could have warn him the danger that will occur that day. But all I have to do now is to accept... but it might take time... It might take years... until my dad's case put into rest. And dad is able to find justice.

I now can smile, eat and sleep... unlike that day, when everything seems a blur. All I could do was cry and my mind could not comprehend the things that happened. One moment I was with my dad and next thing I knew he was killed. Though I could smile now and do the things I usually do, my heart is still aching for the loss of a great man in our life. Dad, just for once, hopefully I could see you in my dreams.

I have this little brother, his name is Joel. He is only 6 years old and like us he misses our dad very much. And his emotions are way too honest that makes me on the brink of tears just thinking about it. One day he asked our househelper

"Babalik pa ba si Daddy?"
Our househelper answered him...
"Hindi na. Pag nasa heaven na, dun na sya."
Then my little brother said...
"Kahit sungit si Daddy, alaala ko pa din sya."

----
**Translation
"Is dad still coming back?"
"Nope. Once he went to heaven, he won't be coming back."
"Eventhough dad is usually irritable, I still think of him."
----

Times like this I wished my dad was still with us. It breaks my heart to see him like that. It brings tears to my eyes. There's another incident wherein he has an assignment and he was asked to write a prayer. I helped him but I asked want he wanted to write, so the content is entirely his. He wrote:

Dear Jesus,
Paggalingin si Daddy. Miss ko na po si Daddy. Salamat po, Lord. Love Joel.

----
**Translation
Dear Jesus,
Make my Daddy healthy again. I miss my Daddy. Thank you, Lord. Love Joel.
----

How I wish that my brother didn't lose our father at an early age. It makes me frustrated and wished who ever did that to my dad will feel hell's wrath. Taking someone's life is NOT God's will but human's evil doing.

Dad, if you're reading this, I hope you're able to feel that we all miss you and love you. Even if you and Joel would always have petty arguments, hope you know he loves you very much.

(I'm sorry if you're tired of reading an entry about my dad but I really just miss him. And still couldn't accept that he died that way.)

I still miss my dad. We miss him very much. It's been 12 days since he died and I still can't comprehend that he's not with us anymore. My siblings and my mother are staying in one room still missing our dad. How we wished this was all a nightmare and soon will wake up from it. Sometimes, I just think that he's in his "favorite place" and taking his break from all the hoopla of the city that anytime soon he'll be back from his so-called "trip"; and I'll be able to hear his voice again.

Though I could smile from time to time, when I'm alone in my thoughts I would cry. As I'm typing this entry, I'm on the brink of crying again. How I wish I could have spend more time with him. While looking at my dad's things, here and there we stumble a prayer or two and I realized that for the last two years (from the files I saw) my dad is a lonely man. He was sad and I could feel it. How I wish I knew and I could have been there for him. Though I know he wouldn't share anything to me, I just wish for that last two years I could have put a smile on his face. How I wish I could have been an affectionate daughter to him. I miss him dearly. But I know I must live my life 'coz I know he wouldn't be happy if he saw us like this.

It's funny that the latest book that my dad bought has the title of "1001 Gardens You Must See Before You Die". I don't know if it's just coincidental or what. Well, at least he have seen it before he died, even if it's only in the book.

Everyday I would talk to him... saying to him to help us... saying I love... saying I miss you... saying all the things I could have said when he was living. There so many what if's... but I know they will all be what if's. Dad, if you're reading this I want to say again and again, I LOVE YOU AND I MISS YOU. =)

This major event in our life made me re-think of all the things I've done and how life is short lived. Compared to all the "problems" I've encountered this is by far the hardest and hurt the most. Years would pass and I would accept that my dad's already not with us but the pain of losing someone in that way will always remain.

I know this is irrelevant with my dad but I realized now how the Elric brothers (Fullmetal Alchemist) felt when they lost their mother. How painful it is and thinking if only you could turn back time. I only wish that you could revive someone, but I know it's impossible. I just wish that my dad is having the time of his life in the other life and seeing all the things he wants to see while he was still living.

As this entry's title state life must go on for me and for my family. Dad, wherever you are give us your guidance to get through the day.

----

( Other part of my life... )

That's pretty much how my life goes on this days. Surely, I'll be back out there... someday.

I feel so tired... even though I have enough sleep I'm still exhausted. I try to smile but I know behind that smile my heart is still aching. I want to stop the tears from falling but I can't. How could I forget something so inhumane being done to my dad. The house seems so quiet now though we're trying to live life as usual. Tomorrow will be as painful as yesterday.

My mother, brother and sister will soon work again and I'll be left alone with my little brother and house helpers and during those time, I'll probably miss my father. Seeing him walking around the house, lying in the couch in front the tv and watching his favorite shows. Words won't express how much I'll miss him. Dad, your last words to me I'll always keep them at heart. I'll try my best to be the daughter you want me to be.

During the first night without my dad, me and my family slept in one room. The room where my mom and dad sleeps. It heart breaks me not seeing my dad without us.

-----


DANCE WITH MY FATHER AGAIN - LUTHER VANDROSS

Back when I was a child
Before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high
And dance with my mother and me and then

Spin me around till I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure
I was loved

If I could get another chance
Another walk, another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
How I'd love, love, love to dance with my father again

Ooh, ooh

When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way I would run from her to him
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me, yeah, yeah
Then finally make me do just what my mama said

Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he
Would be gone from me

If I could steal one final glance
One final step, one final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
'Cause I'd love, love, love to dance with my father again

Sometimes I'd listen outside her door
And I'd hear her, mama cryin' for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me

I know I'm prayin' for much too much
But could You send back the only man she loved
I know You don't do it usually
But Lord, she's dyin' to dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep
And this is all I ever dream.

 I'm at my father's wake waiting for Mr. Sandman to come. Almost everyone has fallen asleep... my mother, brothers and sisters, and as well as some of the extended family members. I guess I won't be sleeping anytime soon. That's why I'm here.

There's only approximately around 8 hours or less before we say our final goodbye to my father. I'm sad that I won't ever see him again... breathing, talking, walking and etc. I've said this already like a broken record, I MISS YOU, DAD. You've been away from us for only a couple of days and this is how much I MISS YOU. What more when reality sinks in... It might take sometime before I could accept wholeheartedly that this is the reality that God gave for my family.

You know, dad, even if we don't talk to much whenever you're at home whenever you're not around I would always ask  "Nasaan si Dad?" It has been like a mandatory question for me to ask that  whenever you're not around. There are a lot of things I would miss about you. I would miss it whenever you'll call me or look for me because you have something for me to type in the computer. I also remember whenever you're getting dress, I usually ask "Saan ka pupunta?". I would miss you saying to us it's time for your favorite teleserye and after watching your favorite shows you would sleep and sometimes I would look at you. I would miss the times when you would ask me out of the blue to come with you to eat out or go golfing with you. I would miss those moments we shared together. I would miss seeing your face so relax whenever you're in your favorite place. I would miss everything about you, dad.

I want to stare your sleeping face inside your coffin all day, just to memorize every wrinkles and every corner of your face. I want to stay beside you until we say our final goodbye. I know you're happy there - the other side - I guess, you're making that place a haven of green pastures and a garden of roses. You're there sitting under a tree, feeling the wind hitting your face and smiling... feeling at peace.

Dad, I would probably continue writing to you over and over again. And probably I would say the same things over and over again. (So dad learn how to use a computer there, ok?) Dad, lend us your guidance. Dad, I want to hug, kiss and talk to you; say things I haven't said even if it's in a dream. As always, I want to say to you that I love you, my father.

I don't know if I'll ever recover from the tragic loss of my father.

He was a kind, gentle-hearted person. He was a good provider and a loving parent. It heartbreaks me that I loss him because of such incident.

I try to occupy myself with other things that's why you see me online. Surfing, chatting and whatever I could think of just to occupy myself and forget for a moment what happened to my father. But whenever I'm alone, I'm always crying and wishing this is all a bad dream and anytime soon I'll wake up  from it. But as days passed, it seems all what has happen is real. My father is already dead and I have to accept that. But it's really hard 'coz his death was tragic and unjust.

I was the last person to be with him in my family before the tragic incident happened. If only I knew it was the last time I'll see him, I would have hug him tightly, kiss him and tell him how much I love him. If only I knew that those things would have happen, I wouldn't have let him go and told him just stay here with me and don't ever go. To me, I'm very close to my father. Though I don't share my secrets with him, I always felt that we have this special bond. We share a lot of things, even have the same style of sandals. I enjoyed every minute and every moment that I'm with him. How I wish I could turn back time and and re-live the moments that I'm with my father. I REALLY REALLY MISS HIM.

It seems so quiet now in our house. I remember he's always the first person to wake up. And everytime he wakes up he would come down, try to watch TV ("try" 'coz he always fell in and out of sleep everytime he watch). He would casually ask what time is it and when it's time to take his medicine, he would open the medicine cabinet rummage through the plastic and drink his medicine. If he saw me eating breakfast, he would ask what's the food, and if doesn't like it he would cringe and try to find another food to his liking. He would walk around in circles inside our house every morning. It's his form of exercise. I remember the look on face whenever he is in the garden taking care of his plants and fishes. He was a simple person. I see in him that he wants to live again in the countryside, away from all the hoopla of the city.

Dad, wherever you are I miss you so much. Sorry for the times, I've made face to your request or didn't oblige to your requests. I hope you know how much I love you. While you were still alive, I rarely able to say those words but I hope you knew. I hope now those words could reach you. I love you, Dad. I want to hug you tighly and don't want to ever let go! I'm proud to say that I'm your daughter and that I resembles you (many people say that). I want you to know I'm proud to have you as my father and I don't dream of replacing you. You did everything you could for this family and thank you for that. Even if you think it's not sufficient... Dad, I want to let you know YOU'RE AN AWESOME DAD! I LOVE YOU.